I have an abundance for which to be thankful. Not to be too specific, our family is expanding, the doctors’ check-ups are good, friends still smile and wave and there’s bread on the table. Sometimes it only has peanut butter and jelly on it, but that can be every bit as good as steak and lobster when you’re hungry. Lately, one of our greatest blessings is we haven’t yet had to log on to the Affordable Healthcare Act website. That day may be coming, but we’re going to enjoy our current plan as long as possible.
I began wondering what some might be looking back on this year and what they might say around a piece or two of pecan pie. For example:
The Kardashians. Even though the tabloids would have us believe there are at least a couple of the sisters (and maybe the mom) who don’t see eye-to-eye on everything, I can’t help but think that this clan gets together at a large table and salutes the world with a toast like this: “Ha! Well, we fooled everybody again. With exactly zero talent and virtually no redeeming value, we’ve managed to make people think every minute of our lives is worth documenting. Here’s to gullibility. Whose turn is it to be on People magazine’s cover this month?”
CGI Federal (the company that built the Affordable Healthcare Act website). Oh, no, wait a minute they’re Canadian. They celebrate Thanksgiving in October (they can’t get the turkeys to thaw in November). But chances are, with everything going so smoothly, on their feast day, company bigshots were able to say, “Our plan is working. The Americans have paid us a couple hundred million for the site, and that’s U.S. dollars, not these Canadian Loons. The Administration does not want failure, so our best friend is in the White House. All we have to do is keep saying we’ll handle the ‘minor glitches’ and we can count on at least another $100 million or more to fix it. Here’s to America.”
Syrian President Bashar Assad. Granted, he’s probably not celebrating our American Thanksgiving. But there’s a good chance he’s giving thanks to the AHA. It definitely took our collective attention away from his civil war. Surely he’s saying, “I love Obamacare. It’s making my life a whole lot easier. Who cares about our poison gas problems anymore?”
Republicans in Congress. They’ve been waiting five years for the Democrats to come down to their level of popularity. Now they can invite Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi over to their houses on Thursday and not have to hear them gloat, “Ha-ha, 20 percent of the American people like us and only 15 percent like you.”
Albert Pujols. In January 2012, he signed a 10-year, $240 million dollar contract to patrol first base for the Los Angeles Angels. He was supposed to occasionally swing a bat as well. In 2013, the now Designated Hitter ‘slugged’ a less-than-whopping 17 home runs,and batted an anemic .258. He went to the plate 391 times and managed 101 hits. That works out to roughly $237,600 per productive swing. While fans in St. Louis (Pujols’ previous team) laughed, Angel faithful cried in their $14 stadium beers. Perhaps today Albert is giving thanks for owner stupidity.
Senate Democrats. Virtually every Senate Democrat up for re-election in 2014 at one time or another this past year echoed the President’s mantra: “If you like your health care policy now, you can keep it. Period.” There isn’t one among them now not saying, “I sure am thankful the election isn’t until next November. We’ll have lots more scandals to talk about by then.”
Hopefully, your prayers will be equally heartfelt, but not so self-serving. Even in one’s darkest days there are blessings. I mean, how many other days do you get to eat all you want when the calories don’t count?
Bill Lewis is a freelance writer in Marietta.