Revisiting the highly successful habits: Habit Four
by Barbara Hickey
November 04, 2013 12:00 AM | 556 views | 0 0 comments | 10 10 recommendations | email to a friend | print
The Stone Age didn't end because humans ran out of rocks. It ended because we kept learning and improving. If you think about it, the desire for self-improvement is written in our DNA.

John C. Maxwell 

Stephen Covey calls Habits 4, 5, and 6 Public Victories because:

Before you can move into the Optimum "interdependence" you must build a foundation of true independence. You cannot get to where you want to go unless you first achieve the following three habits of interpersonal effectiveness.

Let's look at Habit 4 - Think Win-Win

  • When you want other people to win as well as yourself, you are thinking Win-Win. 
  • Because we have been conditioned to think otherwise, we must script (a popular psychology term) ourselves to work with the premise that one person's winning does not mean someone has to lose.
  • Win-Win is seeking solutions that involve cooperation and promote mutual success. 
  • These agreements combine quality and commitment, as they are the products of at least two minds that believe in them.
  • An alternative, superior in some respects, is Win-Win or No Deal. It means that when both sides cannot come to an agreement or deal that is mutually agreeable, then they simply agree not to deal.
  • In athletic contests, where both parties agree to play the game by certain rules or live with the consequences, the rules represent the Win-Win value system.
  • In order for a team to win there must be a Win-Win attitude on the part of the team members.
  • There must be a willingness to behave in an interdependent manner for the good of the team.
  • No matter how polarized the parties may be in a situation, there are always some aspects that can be agreed upon, allowing all involved to find a solution.
  • The only way to discover an alternative is to keep the lines of communication open.
  • Active listening with the intent to understand, plus the honest expression of feelings, is a Win-Win approach to problem solving.
  • Win-Win is a total philosophy that builds on the character traits of: integrity, maturity, and abundance mentality.
Covey defines these attributes as:

  • Integrity - the value we place upon ourselves and the keeping of commitments.
  • Maturity - the courage balanced with consideration in the expression of feelings and convictions.
  • Abundance mentality - the seeing of life as having "plenty for everybody" and attempting to create many options to help others make the most of every situation.
  • Trust is the foundation of healthy human relationships and is indispensable to all Win-Win situations. Win-Win cannot exist in a vacuum, but must be supported by the "systems" around us.
  • Whether formal systems (defined as rules and policies) or informal systems (without clear purposes) they must foster Win-Win principles in governing human behavior.
  • "Losing" systems can be changed with a proactive approach, working with a positive attitude within the spheres of influence. (Attitude determines your Altitude!)
Barbara Hickey of Mableton is a community volunteer and owner of The Etiquette School of Atlanta.

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