Welcome to ‘Tea Party Land’
by Kevin Foley
June 13, 2013 11:26 PM | 1939 views | 4 4 comments | 77 77 recommendations | email to a friend | print
Hi, I’m Lance Flack, minister of propaganda for Tea Party Land. Welcome to the Debbie Dooley International Airport.

Yes, it used to be called McCollum Field. It replaced Hartsfield-Jackson in 2016 after Rand Paul was elected president and the Tea Party-dominated Congress abolished the FAA. Who needs five runways when one will do?

I’m glad your flight got over the pile of wreckage at the end of the runway. That doesn’t always happen. Help yourself to a Bible at the Nathan Deal State Religion Kiosk on the way out. I’m fond of the 23rd Psalm just before take-off.

This dust is the price of freedom. We defunded road maintenance a few years back. Taxpayers aren’t responsible for maintaining infrastructure and no volunteers have come forward to repair the streets or bridges. There’s even a freedom ferry on the Chattahoochee where the I-75 Bridge used to be!

The little kids and old folks alongside the road? They’re tending “freedom gardens” on the publicly owned verges; much better than the food stamps, Social Security or other socialist giveaways.

Sure they go to school, until they’re 8. They learn what the three Rs for a couple hours a day, then they’re free to help grandma and grandpa in the gardens. That way the poor and elderly aren’t taking advantage of the rest of us.

Sorry about the traffic. Yes, I know it took us a half hour to get to Pawn Shop Parkway. We used to call it U.S. 41. The traffic light there was taken down so drivers can finally be free to negotiate the intersection without government interference.

OK, here we are at one of Tea Party Land’s most successful industries, the Charles Gregory Firearms Company. It was founded by a former state legislator to meet the overwhelming demand for weapons created after the repeal gun safety laws.

Gregory: “Business is booming! Pardon the pun. With shootouts like the ones last week at the First Baptist Church and Kennesaw State University, we can’t fill orders fast enough for our fully automatic Ralston Street Sweeper and 100-round ammo drums!

“And here’s the really good news: as a job creator I pay no federal, state or local taxes and there are no minimum wage requirements or pesky OSHA worker protection laws anymore. I’m free to pay these kids on the assembly line whatever I want!”

OK, I’m starving. Let’s head over to the local meat and three.

I know, the kitchen looks dicey. We dispensed with health inspections years ago. Thank goodness the government can’t interfere with private enterprise anymore.

Hi Sugar. I’ll have the pork chop, grits, spinach and carrots (aside to guest): Those are the safest items. At least they were last week. With no USDA, you pay your money and take your chances (wink). Is the burger a little off? That’s the real taste of freedom, my friend!

Gee, I’m sorry you’re nauseous. We probably should have crossed that creek before lunch. The EPA used to dictate how we should dispose of our sewage and manufacturing waste. Now we’re free to dump it into Cobb waterways and burn its way down to the Gulf of Mexico.

I need to stop at the drug store to pick up my emphysema medicine. No, I never smoked. It’s the clean coal we’re burning down at the new Dick Cheney Power Plant.

What made big government think Americans needed help when it came to drug safety? I trust pharmaceutical companies a lot more than some overpaid FDA bureaucrat concocting arbitrary “standards!”

Ah, here we go: “Dr. Gingrey’s Magic Lung Elixir — cures all breathing disorders, as well as gout, fatigue, depression and ague.”


Kevin Foley is a public relations executive, author and writer who lives in Kennesaw.
Comments-icon Post a Comment
Pat H
June 15, 2013
Mr. Foley, you forgot to mention our Health & Human Secretary who callously told the parents of a 10 year old in end stages of lung failure that people die. And yet you criticize churches.

MDJ, please consider hiring Ms. Stemm or bringing back Laura Armstrong because Foley is only capable of mindless drivel.
Nettie Helen Stemm
June 14, 2013
Let’s see now, where are we?

We have an unqualified President who habitually lies about his involvement in, or knowledge of, all things unpleasant, unlawful and unconstitutional which are being perpetrated against the American people by his administration.

The rights of the American people being subverted by at least three agencies of the federal government, in the name of non-existent security.

We have a Vice President whose bounds of stupidity are still being explored.

We have an Attorney General who continually lies to the American people about crimes against them.

We have a Secretary of State who is a counterfeit war hero, a band-aid Purple Heart recipient, a traitor to his fellow servicemen, and who cuddled with Hanoi Jane Fonda. He is a lackey for the President.

We have a Presidential administration about to implode.

We have military leaders who are directing, on orders from the Commander-in-Chief, the total erosion of the civil rights of those in uniform, including their religious freedom.

We have cyber spying and illegal information gathering across the breadth and depth of the American people, with the exception of the Muslims, who, of course, we dare not offend. The President would not like it. All this is in direct violation of our rights as recognized and affirmed by the Fourth Amendment.

We have a President who continually supplies arms to our enemies, but is trying his best to disarm his own people.

We have a Secretary of State who, on orders from the President, gave billions of dollars of OUR MONEY to our enemies, in direct conflict with directions from congress.

We have a President who is on the verge of seizing the personal retirement accounts of the American people in order to finance his reckless drive to destroy the American economy.

We have members of Congress about to “retire” rather than live under the same atrocious laws which they have inflicted upon us.

We have elected officials who have known about many of these atrocities and failed to inform the people who elect and pay them.

We have an administration which continues to cover up the truth about Fast and Furious and Benghazi. They adopt a cavalier attitude about the preventable deaths of four Americans, labeling the incident, “bumps in the road”, or stating that “it doesn’t matter.”

With all these problems facing us, the best Kevin can come up with is this insipid and unbelievably lame attempt at humor, thinly disguising an unreasonable hatred for, and an ego driven contempt for, conservatives, and based on non-existent stereotypes, created by the liberal propaganda machine and perpetrated by liberal takings head.

Shame on you, Kevin.

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