U.S. Rep. Phil Gingrey (R-Marietta) is going to run for the U.S. Senate seat to replace incumbent Sen. Saxby Chambliss (R-Moultrie), who has decided life is too short to put up with political wing nuts all day. Gingrey hasn’t told me this directly but he admitted to the Atlanta newspapers recently that his earlier remarks at a gathering in Smyrna that seemed sympathetic to former Missouri Congressman Todd Akin’s views on “legitimate rape” were “stupid.” You can bet he is trying to get that mess behind him.

“I made a very awkward attempt to explain the unexplainable,” Gingrey told the newspaper. No kidding.

Also considering a bid for Chambliss’ seat is state Sen. Steve Thompson (D-Marietta), who holds the distinction of being one of the few white guys remaining on earth who is a Democrat but not a liberal weenie. I think the Smithsonian plans to put him on display beside that other extinct animal, the Wooly Mammoth.

Whether Rep. Tom Price (R-Roswell) who represents a portion of Cobb County, will run for the Senate seems to be up in the air. He may not want to give up the influence he has accrued in the House of Representatives. Our other Cobb congressman, David Scott (D-South Cobb) probably won’t run. As a general rapporteur of NATO, he is too busy ensuring that Lithonia (or is it Lithuania? I get those two places mixed up) doesn’t get mad at Eatonton or Estonia or whatever and starts another war. We’ve got too many wars going on as it is.

There are more candidates yet to declare for the Senate. There is talk that Rep. Jack Kingston, (R-Savannah) will enter the race and Rep. Paul Broun (R-Athens) is already in — flamethrower and all.

It is at this point that I must announce with deep regret — and with much relief to Messrs. Gingrey, Price, Thompson, et al — that I will not be a candidate for the Senate or anything else remotely connected to politics.

All of this in spite of the fact that I have been overwhelmed with entreaties by those of you who have encouraged me to run. (Well, actually I got one letter sometime back from a reader saying I ought to run for public office — any office — and get things straightened out. But if there was one who wrote me, logic says there were thousands upon thousands who intended to do the same thing. It just makes sense.)

Before things got too far out of hand and people started printing up yard signs, I thought it appropriate to discuss the matter with the Woman Who Shares My Name and get her views on this unique opportunity to serve my fellow Americans. About halfway through my proposed platform, she hit me in the head with a skillet, which was an indication that she wasn’t keen on the idea. Getting hit in the head with a skillet can dampen one’s enthusiasm for public service.

The truth is I don’t think I would enjoy being a politician. I have spent much of my career in and around Washington. I was director-public affairs for AT&T during the woeful Carter Administration, trying to assure people that the nation would survive Jimmy Carter. Georgia had. After that, I supervised a staff in D.C. at both BellSouth and at the Atlanta Committee for the Olympic Games. That was enough politics for me.

Politicians have to be nice to people and smile a lot. I couldn’t do that. I can’t be nice to people yakking on a cell phone while in the checkout line at the grocery store. I would lose a lot of votes telling them they are holding up the line and that I doubt what they are talking about is worth warm spit anyway. And I sure wouldn’t smile while telling them that.

Besides, why would I want to run for public office and give up my day job as a modest and much-beloved columnist? Modest and much-beloved columnists can say what they really think instead of always worrying about offending some special-interest wing nut group. Modest and much-beloved columnists enjoy offending wing nuts. It gives our lives purpose and gives wing nuts apoplexy. You can’t beat that with a stick. Nor do we have to apologize when we make an awkward attempt to explain the unexplainable. My attempts to explain the unexplainable are never awkward. They just don’t always make sense. Big difference.

I will therefore leave the political arena to the aspirants with my applause and appreciation for their wanting to make a difference. To quote President Theodore Roosevelt, “It is not the critic who counts; the credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.”

I am glad they are into the arena. And I’m glad I am not.

You can reach Dick Yarbrough at yarb2400@bellsouth.net or P.O. Box 725373, Atlanta, Georgia 31139.