President Obama: I resolve to stop playing the class warfare game and from now on, I will treat all Americans as equal, not classifying some as “wealthy” because they earn a high income and already pay “their fair share” of taxes. I also will quit demonizing those who oppose me out of conscience, and I promise to stop acting like I am king instead of the president of the United States. I resolve to be more like our first president who refused fancy titles and lordly powers, instead trusting in the good sense and judgment of the people.
Senate majority leader Harry Reid: I resolve to stop the extreme partisan sniping and quit referring to leaders of the other party as obstructionist and self-serving. I resolve to read up on good manners and behave like a person over age 65 should conduct himself, choosing to be dignified and respectful instead of demeaning and nasty. If I don’t live up to this New Year’s resolution, I promise to resign and go back to Las Vegas as a faro dealer, a job for which I am suited.
House minority leader Nancy Pelosi: I resolve, first of all, to never again advise my Democrat followers to vote for a bill so they can find out what is in it because we are still trying to find out what is in Obamacare and it includes a lot of new taxes on top of tons of new regulations and conditions for people needing health care. I also resolve to start thinking for myself instead of serving as an echo chamber for Barack Obama. If I fail in this, I promise to go back to California and retire from
Senate major leader Mitch McConnell: I resolve to keep trying to work out a solution with hope of getting the majority leader, the vice president and the president fully engaged in doing what is best for all the American people. I will stick to my position that “no single issue….remains an impossible sticking point” even if some in my party think otherwise.
Speaker of the House John Boehner: I resolve to stand firm on the bedrock issues of cutting spending and finding sensible ways to increase revenues by closing loopholes primarily. I also will not back down on the necessity of making changes to Social Security – starting with an increase in the eligibility age – and to Medicare and to cutting back on spending across the board. I will continue to resist Osama’s push to raise taxes on taxpayers earning more than $250,000 a year because it is unconsciable.
Resolved by the rest of us, voters and taxpayers: We promise to do more due diligence than ever in selecting members of Congress with the intelligence and backbone to stand up for what is good for all Americans, and we resolve to throw the rascals out next election if they don’t get the job done this time.
Happy New Year!