Let’s bomb Korea with ‘other’ Kim — Kardashian
by Bill Lewis
Columnist
April 07, 2013 12:00 AM | 1593 views | 0 0 comments | 4 4 recommendations | email to a friend | print
Just in case you’ve been bogged down in brackets and bunnies for the last couple of weeks, here’s a heads-up on what’s going on in the world. North Korea is threatening to nuke us.

On the surface that thought might be somewhat upsetting. But bear in mind there’s still that big body of water between the U.S. and Pyongyang, and it’s really rather unlikely the North Koreans have the firepower to deliver on their bellicose blatherings.

The newest iteration of the ruling Kim family, Jong Un, seems to be as grounded in rational thinking as his father and grandfather before him. They too liked to rattle a sabre every now and then, primarily to feel as relevant as possible in a world that long ago passed by their despotic dementia.

Over the past few weeks, the 28-year-old leader (and I use that term advisedly) has dispatched his state-controlled media to maintain a steady barrage of threats to South Korea and the United States. The basic story remains the same. “By golly, if you provoke us, we’ll send our nuclear weapons winging your way.” (I may have the exact translation a little wrong, but you get the idea.)

I suggest Kim and his advisors really think this through. Reports indicate Kim says that the current U.S. military presence in South Korea is the main reason his country is building nukes. Are he and his military advisors just now noticing this? We the People have maintained a rather healthy force on the divisive 38th parallel for right around 60 years.

More to the point, good ol’ America has had nuclear bombs available for duty since 1945. Doesn’t it stand to reason that if we really wanted to do harm to Pyongyang and its environs we would have taken care of matters already? Over the course of the years, we’ve had a few thousand of these big firecrackers just sitting in Wyoming silos collecting dust. We really wouldn’t miss one or two. I’m fairly confident the North Korean landscape could resemble Mars by noon tomorrow if we decided to get ugly about it.

Fortunately, there’s never been any great hue and cry from the masses in this country to attack North Korea. Sure there are plenty of Korean-Americans who want reunification, but that’s mainly because they miss relatives. It’s not as if the country is producing anything of great value to us. There’s no oil or gold or even fine wines. We’ve already got plenty of rice. They apparently don’t even have much of that. The U.N. estimates two-thirds of the 23 million residents go to bed hungry every night.

Perhaps it’s that lack of foodstuffs that is really behind all this posturing. Somebody behind the curtain over there surely knows that any country the U.S. has defeated ends up thriving a few years later. Maybe Kim, et al, are really looking to escape the battle but still collect the spoils of war.

I’m of the opinion we really shouldn’t take the bait. Instead, see the following thought.

According to the grocery store checkout lane headlines, Khloe Kardashian is having trouble getting pregnant. Her sister Kourtney apparently wants to help by offering to serve as a surrogate and carry Khloe’s baby for her. This gets more than a little complicated because the report is Khloe may not think this is such a cool idea, and Kourtney’s boyfriend, Scott, the father of Kourtney’s baby, doesn’t seem quite sure how the whole thing might work.

Did you follow all that? (You really have to read the supermarket tabloids more if you want to keep up with all the hot topics.)

There is a reason I’ve mentioned both stories in this same column. I’m thinking instead of dropping bombs on North Korea, we drop news of the Kardashians. You know, leaflets, newspapers, magazines, DVDs. With reality shows and constant exposure (in more ways than one), an entire cottage industry has sprung up based on that family ever since Paris Hilton flamed out. And one of the sisters’ names is even Kim. Can it get any better?

The young North Korean leader is rumored to enjoy a few western niceties already. If we can get Kim Jung Un hooked on the Kardashians’ saga, maybe he’ll actually forget about the nukes. Since the citizenry takes its cues from its leader, there might be a clamoring for all things Kardashian. Perhaps we could exchange the life stories of Kim, Khloe, and Kourtney for nuclear warheads.

Hey, it’s as rational a thought as anything else that’s going on, isn’t it?

Bill Lewis is a Marietta freelancer. For more go to www.wordsmith-at-large.com.
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