Husbands and funk busters
by Lauretta Hannon
Columnist
January 14, 2013 11:47 PM | 1680 views | 11 11 comments | 13 13 recommendations | email to a friend | print

Q: My husband is always telling me what he wants to do without asking how I feel. Then he expects me to help him achieve the lifestyle that he desires. I hate it when he says, “I can’t do it alone,” but he knows that I don’t make much money — yet I’m supposed to help him achieve what he wants. I just heard him say, “I want this,” and “I want that,” but I need him to ask me what I want and to include me by using “our this” or “our that” instead. How do I handle this?

A: You tell him what you need! Open up and let him know how you feel. He may not realize the language he is using. Remind him that marriage is the ultimate partnership — the very definition of “we.” Don’t continue to shrivel and simmer in silence. Let your voice be heard, and don’t let up until he gets it.

Ask him to change his words from “I” to “we” and so forth. Enforce it when he backslides. If this fails, blast the Beatles’ song “I, Me, Mine” whenever he comes home. That should do the trick.

Q: My husband recently moved his office into our home (I didn’t get a vote). I thought this transition would be a snap, but in fact, it stinks. Any words from the wise one?

A: Wise one? First, let me recover from laughing. OK, I’m composed now.

It sounds like your sanctuary has been invaded. If that’s the case, you must determine how to adapt it, reclaim it, or create another one. I’d look at this as a grand opportunity to design an even better space for yourself.

A woman’s sanctuary is essential to her well-being. As Joseph Campbell says, “Your sacred space is where you can find yourself again and again.” Protect it like a new mom defending her baby against a rabid Rottweiler.

Q: I’ve been in quite a funk for some time now. Any suggestions for how I can break out of this?

A: It’s normal to get into a funk, but don’t linger there too long. In fact, the only funk I like is in my music, so when the malaise descends I start battling it.

The best practice is to do something for someone else. For example, I’ll buy greeting cards for friends going through difficulties. This takes me away from my excessive focus on my problems and reminds me that others have it worse. And that, in turn, ushers in gratitude and much-needed perspective. Here’s a short list of my other tried-and-true funk busters.

  • Take a walk outside.
  • Simplify some aspect of your routine.
  • Enjoy a respite from technology: turn off the phone and the computer. (No matter how low you feel, do NOT moan on Facebook.)
  • Create a little burst of surprise in an area of your life: take a new route home; read a book outside of your favorite genre; try an unusual cuisine; plan an adventure; attend a lecture on a subject of no interest to you; learn a new skill. The idea is to shake things up.
  • Play hooky. Take a mental health day. You need it.
  • Fill yourself back up with elemental things. Enjoy nature, collect rocks from a stream, sit by a fire, buy a fragrant bouquet, listen intently to the birdsong outside your window.
  • Be open to change. Don’t fight it.
  • Make a list of things that make you happy.
  • Surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Watch a comedy.
  • Get the energy drainers out of your life.
  • Create something, anything!
  • Treat yourself to small pleasures.
  • Imagine things as you want them to be.
  • Listen to good music (this excludes funeral dirges and the wrist-slitting music they play on the animal abuse commercials).
  • Forgive. Love. Serve.
  • Rejoice and be glad.

Send your questions to notyourgrannysadvice@gmail.com.

Lauretta Hannon, a resident of Powder Springs, is the bestselling author of The Cracker Queen—A Memoir of a Jagged, Joyful Life and a keynote speaker. Visit her at thecrackerqueen.com.

 

Comments
(11)
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Carol Louise
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January 17, 2013
Love, love, love, your funk busting advice! And those that lament about life instead of living it, find themselves awful lonely after a while. I hope to never be that girl. Thanks, Lauretta!
Karen Beard
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January 15, 2013
As to the Case of the Ever Present Husband, I remember when my father in law retired, he loved a quiet house in the morning, my mother in law love to turn on every radio in the house while she cleaned. He kept coming behind her & turning them off. She would turn them back on and the argument would start. I bought her a headset radio built into the earphones - Tranquility restored. Moral - Look for new ways to get what you both want.
Jamie Wyatt
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January 15, 2013
Wish we had your kind of perspective in Washington!
Jessica Nettles
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January 15, 2013
I love your "Beat the Funk" list, and am going to post it in my office.
Beth H
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January 15, 2013
I always look forward to your column but today takes the cake. I'm putting your de-funkify list on my wall (and maybe another copy in my wallet) and plan to complete an item on the list any time I feel my non-danceworthy funk coming on!
Lauretta Hannon
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January 15, 2013
QUESTIONS FOR READERS:

1. What is your tried-and-true way to break out of a funk?

2. What does your sanctuary look like?

Crystal R.
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January 15, 2013
1. Sad, but I think about the less fortunate people and think "That could be me."

2. My art studio is my sanctuary and its filled to the brim with colors and IDEAS for future projects.
betty gwen barlow
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January 15, 2013
#1..spend time with my long time friend omie lou..we laugh and act silly and pretend we arent old ladies..works like a charm every time

#2..when my retired hubby goes to town and i have a couple of hours alone my home becomes my sanctuary...if he is home i can retire to my office and ignore him awhile...(doesnt work nearly as well as #1)

CK Dent
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January 15, 2013
1. Put on some dancing music and eat some chocolate, gets me out of a funk!

2. My home is my sanctuary, worked at making it all my special place with gifts from friends, things I've created and my yard/garden. Little things from family no longer with us, plants from friends, mementos from trips, lots of pictures.
Ms Robinson
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January 15, 2013
1 I talk about what's going on in my head with my husband, my best friend. I get up early before the sunrises and go for a run, when I see that glorious sunrise I know all is right.

2 It's outside. Cold, raining, snow, hot, humid, whatever I go out in it. I enjoy every season and the beauty that it holds.
Suze5
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January 15, 2013
1)First I pray to see what I am meant to see, and then I take a photography trip into the wilderness - even if just my back yard. Nature always reminds me of the patience, love, perfect order, and creativity of God. Appreciating nature through photos puts me in a great mood.

2) My sanctuary is my corner of the couch where my books, pens, note cards, computer and headphones are. If I ready, write and listen daily, I'm all good.
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